You probably know the feeling of walking on the beach, in a shop or in an amusement park as a small child and being so impressed by everything around you that you forget everything and everyone. Then there is the moment when you shout at your father or mother, look how beautiful that is. You turn your head towards them with eyes full of enthusiasm, joy, fire and admiration. But then? Daddy, mommy, where are you!!
Well, that feeling of panic crept over me a few months ago at the Bosrust cemetery in Zeist, when I was almost 68 years old. My mother and father died in 1995 and 2003 respectively. They actually wanted to be cremated, but we as children and especially I persuaded them to be buried. I wanted to be able to visit them and cremation was so final. At the time I was also in the company fire brigade, hated fire and was actually afraid of it. A firefighter who is afraid of fire is not handy and a danger to his mates, the people and animals to be rescued, but also to himself, so farewell fire brigade. My parents were persuaded by these arguments and on condition that we promised to continue to maintain the grave neatly, they agreed.
The first years after their death I regularly went to their grave, but over the years that need and the sadness became less and the acceptance of their passing more. Regular visits and talking to them on birthdays, their wedding day, death dates or just in between became less and less and lapsed to once a year and later once a .... year. Until I felt the urge to visit them again in May this year. I knew where they were lying together and so I walked confidently to the path and the tree where I thought they were lying. On the way between the graves I saw quite a few old acquaintances and greeted them. When you walk between graves like this and see the ages at which people died, you realize how short life can be and my Saskia and I have experienced that several times.
Arriving at the place where my parents should be buried my eyes searched for their grave. They weren't there, how is that possible. Back to the main path and I have to go left here, then second path to the right 50 meters further cross a path and then second grave on the left under a very beautiful thick granite cover plate they should be lying. Again nothing and I start to walk back and forth in panic and haste over paths looking left and right with sweat on my forehead increasingly hasty and desperate. Did they move during the name change of the cemetery or did they clear their grave? That can't be! We buried them at the Zeist Cemetery at the time and it now has the name Zeister Bosrust but they can't be………. I started walking bigger and bigger circles and gosh so many acquaintances are buried here, hey Gijs I've missed you for a while. So here you are.
Two ladies, who were working at a grave and had seen me pass by a few times, noticed my unrest and saw the helplessness in my eyes and asked can we help you? I said "I've lost my parents!". They advised me to go to the manager's office and I did, although I hadn't thought of that during all the searching.
The lady in the office told me that as the rightful owner of the grave I would receive a letter before it was cleared about the possibility of extending or cancelling the burial rights. After looking in the system she told me that the burial rights would expire on 14-03-2025 and she gave me a map with the location of the grave. I thanked her and with the map in my hand I walked back the same way. Greeting the two ladies and shouting "they're still there" I walked relieved to the grave that was in the place and under the tree where I thought it should be but just in a different path. Pffffffff
After apologizing to my parents for my long absence, I cleaned the grave neatly and laid down a red rhododendron. Red is the color of “Love” and yellow of “Hope” my parents always said and at both their funerals we also generously scattered roses in both colors over them. After talking to them a bit more and promising to come back soon, I went home full of this experience to tell my love about this adventure.
On 01-10-2024 the letter regarding “Buy-off burial rights” from the municipality of Zeist landed on the doormat and I can tell you that that was a bit of a shock. Extend burial rights for 20 years € 2,887.00 + mandatory maintenance € 1,058.00.
Maintenance? They are under a thick slab, what is there to maintain there. But yes, as I said, we had promised our parents and a promise is a promise, they will remain there lovingly together with more frequent visitors until I am 88 years old.
Arnie Della Rosa